Scooby-Doo: The Weird Werewolves of the Wild Woods

SYNOPSIS

Scooby-Doo and friends are driving through the mountains on their way back to Crystal Cove when they hear stories of a local family who have reported that the woods around their log cabin are haunted. The police haven't taken any interest, so this sounds like the perfect job for Mystery Inc to clear up. Without wasting any time they travel to the cabin where Grandma Culpepper and her boys meet them, and they set up camp to investigate overnight.

This is the narrative of a game of 7TV2, using theMystery Inc. programme guide, played with the basic rules but using Profile Cards for some models, the Countdown Deck and Gear cards from the 7TV2:Apocalypse set. We felt the tone of these, and the style of the gadgets, worked better for the cartoon horror style of the game.

Grandma tells our heroes the over last few months the evil spirits of the wood seem to have taken a dislike to the hillbillies, and made things uncomfortable for them. There have been lots of strange sightings and mysterious goings on after dark, and as recent as last month their nearest neighbours were so scared they've abandoned their property and moved out wholesale. Grandma reported this to the police, but they just said there was nothing they could do. So knowing that Mystery Inc take such things seriously she is very hopeful that they can help.

Grandma feels that if the mystery is not solved soon she may be forced into a decision she does not want to make. People are always interested in buying the Culpepper place and she was made another offer (though not a high one) one month ago. If they don't find a solution to the problem, the hillbillies feel they may have no choice but to sell their land and go elsewhere.

SET-UP

The game was played on a 4 x 3 table with a central log cabin and campsite within a clearing, surrounded on all sides by woodland. Mystery Inc. were the defenders and their models were placed first, with Mystery Inc. in the camp and the Culpeppers in the cabin, and the Mystery Machine parked close by. The Things that Go Bump in the Night then placed their models touching any table edge, and placed five objectives no closer than 6" from the table edge. In this game, only Mystery Inc. could claim objectives (which were principally there for narrative purposes).

The table set-up

The colours of the forest change from moment to moment as the light finds its way through the dense woodland into small open glades. Standing and fallen trees make the forest impenetrable in places and difficult to find a path through.

Or: the lighting was terrible because of the table position next to the window and very poor internal lights. The fallen trees in the forest were because the terrain didn't travel very well in the back of the car. And you'll just have to use your imagination about the density of the woods, as we only had so many trees. The area outside the circle of trees is taken to be reasonably dense woodland.

Mystery Inc.'s object was to find the clues and make sense of them, and solve the mystery; the Things would aim to scare them all off, or capture them (as this is a children's show, eliminated models are considered scared off or captured, of course).

THE CASTS

Mystery Inc.

Fred (co-star, 5)
Daphne (co-star, 4)
Velma (co-star, 4)
Shaggy (co-star, 4)
Scooby Doo (co-star, 4)

Scrappy Doo (co-star, 4)

Grandma Culpepper (Extra 2)

The Culpepper Hillbillies (6 x Extras 3pts/2)

The Mystery Machine (vehicle, 4)

35pts, generating 10 plot pts

The Things that Go Bump in the Night

The Ghost of the Woods - Mysterious Monster (Guest Co-Star, 5)

2 x Ghosts - Spectres (Extras, 3 each)
2 x Spectres (Extras, 3 each)
Alpha Werewolf - Beastman Elder (Extra, 3)

7 Werewolves - Beastman (Extras, 2 each)

Victim Zero (Extra, 2)

36pts, generating 7 plot pts

Scrappy Doo's profile was created from Scooby's, altering a couple of stats and replacing his Special Effects with Small, Puppy Power, and Puppy Pest. You can download his profile card from the image above or, if you prefer, from this link to the .yaml file for use with Jorge's fantastic 7TV2 card generator.

Lycanthrope Victim Zero is a modified Patient Zero (from the Apocalypse set), but for someone infected with a werewolf bite. Which is obviously something psychosomatic when the werewolves are really people dressed in rubber suits, of course. Yaml file here.

VICTORY POINTS

2 points if opponent's cast is axed, or 3 points if opponent's cast has no models left on table

3 per star eliminated

2 per co-star eliminated

1 per extra eliminated

1 per objective token claimed and explained appropriately as a clue (Mystery Inc only)

AND… ACTION!

Our heroes set up camp outside the Culpepper's log cabin

Crickets chirp in the undergrowth as the last rays of the sun disappear behind the tops of the trees that surround the cabin and campsite. Velma, Shaggy, Scooby and Scrappy sit around the campfire enjoying the evening's peace and quiet. Or do their best to enjoy it, while trying as hard as possible to shut out Scrappy's inane chatter to himself. 
"A talking dog is all very well," says Velma. "But why does it need to talk so much?"
"Like, and about so little," Shaggy acknowledges. "And with such an annoying accent too. At least Scooby has the decency to have a speech impediment that makes him sound like I imagine a talking dog should."
Scooby-Doo ignores them all, snoring lightly, dreaming of the next meal.

Behind them, Daphne and Fred emerge from one of the tents. 
"Er.. Yes, Fred, you've done a very good job setting up the tent," Daphne says, thinking quickly and trying not to look at Fred, while smoothing her clothing straight.
"Er.. What's up, gang?" asks Fred, trying to look innocent.

Werewolves gather inside the woods

In the distance, eyes are watching from the woods. A pack of werewolves is assembling, planning its next move. Unfortunately they have become separated while trying to find their way through the undergrowth, and they need to take a few moments to get their act together. The alpha wolf growls discontentedly. What part of Pack Mentality didn't they understand?

Ghostly presences are present

On the other side of the cabin, insubstantial ghostly forms materialise independently.

There's a sudden chill in the air as a shadow passes across the face of the full moon. Or maybe it is the unseen presence of the ghosts. 

"Did you hear that?" Velma whispers, to nobody in particular.

"You mean like that strange howling, that's been getting nearer over the last hour?" asks Shaggy.

"You mean that weird ghostly whistling in the wind, that sends shivers up your spine?" asks Fred.
"You mean that strange rustling coming from the undergrowth really close by?" asks Daphne.
"That was just me getting my poop bag ready," says Scrappy.

"No, not those," says Velma. "I mean that rasping scraping noise, like claws being sharpened on stone, coming from somewhere over there near the edge of the woods."

"Rrrraaaggggyyy!" says Scooby-Doo, who is suddely awake, and jumps onto Shaggy's lap, his teeth chattering loudly.

Fred smiles, ignited with purpose.

"I suggest we split up," Fred declares. "Velma and I will find the source of the rasping scraping sound while Shaggy and Scooby can investigate the howling and whistling noises. Daphne can deal with the strange rustling and take Scrappy for his evening walk. Let's go!"

Velma is quick to head in the direction of the rasping scraping sound. Almost as soon as she has left, something at the edge of the woods moves at the limit of Shaggy's field of vision.

"Gulp," says Shaggy, "Did you see what I just saw, Scoobs?"

"Yeyeyeye", mutters Scooby-Doo, still on his lap, shivering. Shaggy shrugs his shoulders.

"That’s what always happens," he sighs, setting Scooby down on the ground. "Come on, then, let's go investigate."

Inside the cabin, Grandma is laying out the law to the Culpepper boys.

"These here Mystery Inc folk are here to help us, boys," she explains. "So you give them all the help they need so we can see off these spirits once and for all." She counts on her fingers, slowly mouthing their names in turn.

"Where's Billy Bob?" she asks, finally.

"Oh Granma," drawls Cleetus, the oldest and most intelligent of the Culpepper boys, "Oh Granma he's done gone to his bay-ed, Granma, he has. He drunk too much moonshine with breakfast, Granma."

Grandma Culpepper squeezes her rolling pin. "You boys!" she yells, "You know that moonshine's special for Sunday dinner! Now get those shotguns loaded quick so we can help those Mystery folk do their stuff."

The Werewolves are finally assembled

At last, the werewolves have found each other in the darkness. The alpha werewolf growls a sigh, lamenting the quality of today's average werewolf. It's just not like it was in the good old nights.

Spectres on the move

Behind the log cabin, two other mysterious presences have appeared. A pair of spectres approach the side of the building intent on a cunning and devious surprise attack.

The ghosts advance on Fred and Daphne

Fred and Daphne linger at the camp a little longer than the others. Daphne is not at all happy about her assignment, and is making her views quite clear.

Their arguing is interrupted by the sudden ghostly presence of two ghostly presences.

"Woo, woo!" cries one of the ghosts, rather unconvincingly.
"Woo, woo!" cries the other one, even less convincingly, possibly because it is werewolf-shaped.
"Is that the best you can do?" asks Fred, who advances in response. 

The first ghost instantly vanishes, teleporting away. "Woof?" the other one tries, then turns and runs off into the darkness of the woods.

"There must be a clue somewhere around here, Scoobs."

"Hey Scooby," Shaggy asks, "Why is it like always a full moon when we do these things?"

"Rrridunno", Scooby responds.

But the moonlight proves useful. In the distance, Shaggy can see something reflecting back the light. It must be a clue, and they head towards it purposefully.

"Hey Scooby, it's a clue!" says Shaggy, rather unnecessarily, and picks up a small object.

"Wow, Scooby, it's like a badge, " he says, examining it closely. "No, it is a badge", he concludes. "A pin badge that reads 'Spencer's Mountain Summer Ball, 1938'. Like wow. I wonder what that can mean?"

Fred and Velma chase the ghostly werewolf-shaped creature, contrary to its expectations. Eventually it realises it has little option but to turn and fight, but before it gets the chance it finds itself a target. Velma, who has thoughtfully brought along a fie extinguisher with her, attacks, stunning the creature, and Fred, who has had the forethought to devise a cunning trap using two overhanging trees and a convenient hole in the ground, deals further damage. The stunned ghost, now vulnerable to fisticuffs, is duly dispatched.

There's something lying on the ground nearby, which Velma picks up. It's a folded newspaper, and is obviously a clue.
"Hmm," says Velma, reading the headlines. "The Blue Ridge Chronicle... Now why does that sound familiar?"

The ghost reappears

There's a bounce in Scrappy Doo's step as Daphne follows him back towards the camp. Behind, her alert eyes scan the darkness with care, but she can't see a suitable receptacle for the poop bag she's carrying at arm's length. What she does see, though, is the ghostly presence from before, which has teleported back to threaten her.

Scrappy is as annoying as ever. "Lemme at 'em" he says, in the voice that should not belong to a small dog, and charges the mysterious phantasm. Somehow he manages to wound the creature, though he injures himself in the process.

Daphne does what she's best at, and screams.

"Ha ha ha!" cries the ghost, in a ghostly female voice that might have a Virginia accent.

"I know I shouldn'a drunk that much..."

Billy Bob (the most intoxicated of the Culpepper brothers) shuts the door to the bunk room behind him. His head is reeling a little less now that he is out of earshot of Grandma's orders. He stumbles towards one of the bunks, but only at the last moment does he sense a presence, or two in the room with him. The spectres have walked through the walls, as spectres do.

Without a sound, one of the spectres taps on his shoulder.

"Yoo hoo, behind you," it whispers, as Billy Bob turns around, looks deep into its empty eye sockets, and falls unconscious to the ground.

Werewolves, advance!

The pack of werewolves steadily advances toward the cabin. But unfortunately for them, their path through the woods takes them dangerously close to where one of the set technicians has left a big box of pyrotechnic special effects. Which go off unexpectedly.

I love the smell of burning Werewolf in the evening

The alpha werewolf and four of his companions catch fire.

"Hey, Scoobs, do I smell home cooking?"

Shaggy and Scooby's attention is drawn to the smoke and flames coming from the woodland nearby.
"Like wow," says Shaggy. "Isn't it a bit late to have a barbecue?"
"Rraybe rrrireworks?" suggests Scooby.

No soon have the werewolves beaten out the flames then they find it's not only pyrotechnics that the technician stored here. The inevitable explosion occurs, and several charred werewolves duly detonate.

Showdown outside the cabin

All this noise has attracted the attention of the hillbillies who, shotguns loaded, have left the hut. But the evil spirits have one final trick to play.

One of the Culpepper brothers seems not his usual self

Grandma, Cleetus, Peetus, Wheatus and Litus form a line and aim their guns at the ghost. It is only at the last minute that they notice that Fetus (the smallest and sickliest of the Culpepper brothers) is changing form.
"Granma, Fetus look more like a dawg today than usual," says Peetus (the most observant of the Culpepper brothers).
"Granma, Fetus smell more like a dawg today than usual," says Wheatus (the smelliest of the Culpepper brothers).
"Granma, don't know as it makes much difference," says Litus (the wisest of the Culpepper brothers).
They all turn their weapons in the direction of the youngest brother and open fire.

"Woo, woo!" says the ghost, slightly more confidently than before, given that Daphne now seems to be its only serious opposition.

Daphne emits a small, pathetic scream. Instinctively her reflexes take over and she flings the bag in the ghost's direction.

"Ew, ew!" says the ghost and retreats again. But Velma and Fred are closing in on it from the other side.

"Behind you..."

Shaggy and Scooby have disguised themselves as well as they can with bits of charred werewolf that they have found scattered around and are sneaking up on the remaining, wounded alpha wolf and its diminished pack. Though unconvincing, in the darkness their disguise seems to work, as the alpha werewolf signals all of the pack, including them, to keep up and advance on the cabin for the final assault.

"It's time to find out who you really are..."

Meanwhile, the wounded ghost confronts Fred. Though weakened, Fred is able to set off another makeshift trap with a few convenient trees and various pieces of an old moonshine still he has found, and the spirit is captured. As Velma approaches he tears the rubber mask from the ghost's head.

Fred gasps in horror.
"Mary Ellen Walton?" he says.
"Of course," announces Velma. "You were the family that lives next door! You want to get rid of the Culpeppers so that you can buy their land at a bargain price and open the whole woodland up as a Walton's Mountain Theme Park."
"Yes," says Mary Ellen. "And we would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids."
And with that announcement, Ben, Erin, Jason and Jim-Bob Walton step out of their rubber werewolf costumes with their hands up.

The final scene

Shaggy and Scooby remain undetected as they follow the last two werewolves into the camp. Shaggy, who it seems has been carrying a rusty bear trap around with him all this time, now puts it to good use and catches one, while the alpha werewolf is taken out by Scooby, who somehow manages to swing a weighted mesh net over it. 

Rubber masks are removed.
"Oh no, not you too, Elizabeth?" says Shaggy. But John-Boy Walton just sits there in his smouldering alpha werewolf suit and scowls.

CREDITS

All game rules, templates and tokens from Crooked Dice Game Design Studio;
Mystery Inc models from Hasslefree Miniatures except Scrappy-Doo, who was scratch-built by the author;
Hillbillies from Blue Moon/Old Glory;
Werewolves, spectres and ghosts from Reaper Miniatures, Westwind Productions and CP Models.
Clear Bases from Sally 4th;
Gaming mat from Deep Cut Studios;
Log cabin and all terrain scratch-built by the author.

EPILOGUE

Later, after the police have gone, and Grandma Culpepper has cooked them all a slap up meal, Mystery, Inc. head to their beds.

"Good-night, Fred"
"Good-night, Daphne"
"Good-night, Velma"
"Good-night, Scrappy"
"Good-night, Scooby"

"Rrr-night, Shaggy"

Saga: Age of Magic - The Challenge (6)

Saga: Age of Magic - some figures finally get to the tabletop

6. End of Week 15

I can't believe it is already September, and how little progress I have made on this project since the last blog post on this theme. Travel for work, holidays and actually playing games and stuff like that have really got in the way.

So this post will summarise the very little that I have actually done and briefly report in very bad photographs the first Saga: Age of Magic battle played with these figures.

I've only worked on two of the factions during this time, and only the few figures I needed to be able to field both armies.

Great Kingdoms

Fireforge Pegasus Knight

The pegasus from Fireforge proved a delight to paint. I inserted a magnet into the underside of the mount so that it could be easily attached and removed from any suitable flight stand - the one I have used is actually designed for a Flames of War aircraft.

Sacred monument

Not a lot to do here. I just added flock and grass tufts to compete this model.

Sorcerer with 70s moustache in dramatic spellcasting pose

Nice to see this chap back on the gaming table; he has an uncanny resemblance to one of my old English teachers from school, and I have fond memories of using this figure for D&D years ago! No idea what the manufacturer is. He's benefited from a little touching up of paint damage and some highlights, and a couple of coats of matt varnish, as well as a nice new base.

There's lovely

Without doubt my favourite model for this army is this dragon which really did come up a treat when painted. It's a beautiful figure and works well with an extremely simple paint scheme mainly consisting of progressively lighter highlights of red. It's also going to work very nicely with a Saga Welsh army played using Age of Magic.

Lords of the Wild

The lizardmen are still waiting patiently in their box. For the time being, the main troops of this army will be my Skraelings, which actually suit it very nicely. I'll get round to the lizardmen eventually.

Rarrr!

The T-Rex just needed his base finishing. This is a toy bought from Wilko for a couple of quid some months ago, and painted. About the right size for 28mm. Just a shame I didn't sort out that obvious joint line above his waist, but too late now.

This model also has enormous potential for use with 7TV2 at some point as well. Yes, I do have a plan.

Primitive totem

With the tree painted and highlighted the snake (which may or may not be an actual creature or just a carving - you decide) the primitive totem was finished off nicely.

It's green

A simple lizardy green paint scheme here. In the photo it looks even more green than in real life, probably not helped by the green background. Anyway, I think it works.

Rise of the Spirits

I'm particularly pleased with the terrain feature titan for use with the Rise of the Spirits ability. I think he looks surprisingly effective bursting out through the ground like this. And the cheapest figure of the lot as well.

To Battle!

And so with two armies ready (Great Kingdoms largely build from Russ Princes and Franks and Lords of the Wild from Skraelings) Pete was gently coerced into playing.  He took the Great Kingdom, and battle duly commenced. Here are some pictures (apologies for the quality - the room we played in was very poorly lit). Thanks Pete for taking some of these too!

The generals face each other across the table

Lords of the Wild: dinosaurs on the left flank

And on the right flank, more dinosaurs

The Spirits Rise and hold the enemy back on the right

The dragon advances

And on the right flank, attacks

A mighty battle ensues

Lizard on lizard action

Mounted hearthguard charge in on the far flank to support

It could go either way...

But the dragon is slain. The Pegasus flies to the rescue, but too late.

It was an excellent game and this supplement genuinely adds a new dimension to the Saga game. Our game also attracted quite a lot of attention by people who thought they were watching something historical until they spotted the dinosaurs!

Looking forward to more games in the future. Now, back to the painting table to sort out those other armies...

Pulptastic!

Or

Captain Flash and Timmy the Dog's Misguided Polar Expedition to Belgium

The account below (which follows three perilous adventures during the above expedition, played out with much mayhem and laughter at Wargames Illustrated's 7TV Day IV: Pulptastic! Event, using the new 7TV2 Pulp rules) is taken directly from the journal of the leader of that expedition. No apology is made for any reference or use of language that may, in our more enlightened circumstances, seem inappropriate.

The Flash Expedition

The Cast:

Captain "Flash" Flashheart, (Intrepid Adventurer, Star), who due to a series of preposterous events, is now hopelessly lost somewhere on the way to Belgium via the south pole;

Timmy the Dog, (Lesser Animal Companion, Extra), loyal husky and Flash's best friend;

Allan Quartermain, (Big Game Hunter, Co-Star), who is hoping to find evidence of the existence of, and shoot, strange beasts such as abominable snowmen, dinosaurs, giant lobsters, or the mythical arctic apetopus of legend, or penguins;

Dr Dakanalis, a medical doctor (Extra);

An Officer of the SS Unsinkable II (Army Officer, Extra), leader of the shore party protecting the explorers; and

Three Marines (Army Privates, Extras) from the SS Unsinkable II, who are prepared for icy arctic temperatures, and therefore frequently extremely hot.

Chapter One: Darkest Africa

A great game against Mike Marshall's Mobius cast, made exceptional by the combination of the scenario objectives and the randomly selected Doomsday Device peril card.

From the Journal of Captain Flash

It is some weeks since the unanticipated disaster that befell the SS Unsinkable II and despite having now dried everything out, our polar expedition has been particularly challenging since we determined to continue on foot. Despite thorough planning we were not best prepared for making our way to the south pole, and Belgium beyond, via deepest Africa. As the jungles of the Belgian Congo became increasingly impenetrable we were soon forced to abandon the dog sleds and skis and continue with the barest essentials: basic supplies, a few cans of Timmy's favourite brand of pemmican, a bottle of sun cream, a small cocktail cabinet and, of course, the pianola that Quartermain so likes to play in the evenings. On the way, we came across some friendly natives who, despite not knowing the way to the real Belgium (which reminds me, I must have a word soon with Quartermain about his geography knowledge) advised us that some distance ahead there was a temple which contained something very valuable and evidently worth adventuring for, and apparently some foreign Johnny by the name of Doctor Mobius was already leading his own expedition there. So of course being British we couldn't let the Germans get there first and rapidly made haste in that direction. 

Advancing through the ruined city in the jungle

With faithful Timmy at my side, we fought our way through dense vegetation covering what appeared to be the remains of some ancient ruined city. There ahead of us was the temple. By Jove, I thought, we've beaten the Krauts to it! We could see various shiny glowing things lying around, and set out to take them as quickly as possible, despite the strange electrical humming emanating from each one of them. I picked one of them up without hesitation.

The Army advance, with Quartermain behind

On the right, Quartermain aimed for another such treasure and tried to work out how to pick it up, while the troops protected his flank.

Germans

Then, in the distance we saw the Germans. They were a strange-looking bunch. On one side, Doctor Mobius, unmistakable because of his evil mastermind looks and shock of white typical-mad-scientist hair, accompanied by a strange-looking and unfamiliar dog (German breed, no doubt) and a rather shabby-looking butler, who was totally ineffective, and we found out later was called Jarvis. Beside them, a rather butch German girl wearing an unusual armour/underwear combination, and a hunchback with bad teeth who went by the name of Igor and smelt of sauerkraut. Altogether rather terrifying. Out of shot, on the opposite side, a doctor and some sort of mechanical German were coming for us the long way round.

And sneaking about on the far right, in a rather fetching red body suit, a stunning young filly with particularly impressive equipment. Well, I thought, lucky for you, young lady, that I'm on the other side of the river, otherwise who knows what might have happened! Well, I do! Woof!

Woof!

Anyway. She let off a couple of shots at our brave boys and one of them dropped dead (no stamina, these young privates, you know). And then Maria (that was the name of the rather butch girl) was in hand to hand with the Army officer.

[deep voice] "Ja, mein name ist Maria"

We advanced, and Timmy, being a brave and rather clever dog, leapt up to the top of a wall where another of these glowing things was, and tried to make off with it. Tricky though that is for a dog (no hands to pick them up with, you understand). Well, in a jiffy the German dog (possibly some kind of dachshund, I think) popped up there too and there was a bit of a scrap, in which Timmy (despite being not particularly partial to bratwurst) took a big bite out of the hund.

"Woof!" ... "Vuff!"

The humming got suddenly louder and there was an almighty explosion of force from each of the glowing objects, which stunned many of those who were too close to them. The dogs fell over. The robot fell over. The red bombshell fell over. Quartermain fell over. Being used to enormous explosions, of course, I remained totally unaffected and approached the mad German scientist.

Confronting the master villain

"So, Doctor Mobius, we meet for the first time!" I announced, with some panache. And there was another explosion, which I of course ignored, as the robot fell over again. Timmy, this time, managed to stay on his feet, and leapt bravely at the defenceless stunned German dog which he unceremoniously dispatched.

Maria on the attack

Quartermain (who had by now put down the pianola) managed to stay standing too, and rushed to replace the captain (who had been beaten off by Maria's impressive right hook), while one of the privates (and the red bombshell) fell over again.

"Ich vant a hug!"

Not Quartermain's best decision, it turned out. Maria duly grabbed him and the private and gave them a big (typically German) hug. The kind of hug that crushes your ribs so much it makes you forget that you are allowed to make rolls to try and escape on subsequent turns.

The robot stands up

The robot stood up again and Doctor Mobius sneered at me. "Not sure I like what you've done to your hair," I quipped, cracking my whip for effect. And then, when I was distracted by the robot falling over again, he just ran away, grabbed one of the shiny things, and headed off home. No sport at all, these Germans!

Off the table we go

Timmy (lacking opposable thumbs, unable to pick up his own shiny thing) gave chase to the fleeing Doctor while the robot, who had got up again, followed. At this time my attention was on Igor (who had apparently already died but came back because nobody seemed to have noticed), who had come in range of my whip. One crack and he was tied up and far too close to me than any man should be. I assume that he was a man, anyway. The smell of sauerkraut was the biggest giveaway. Too slowly, the robot began to chase after Timmy, and I bravely retired with my own shiny thing and a smelly hunchback in tow to safety.

All was nearly over, now, but the enemy had one trick up their sleeve. In an attempt to deny us the satisfaction of having captured one of their number (in what has to be described as typically German spoilsport attitude) Igor activated one of his deadly exploding teeth, which fizzed a bit but had no appreciable effect. Probably gone off, maybe because of all that sauerkraut.

And so we held the enemy off, in a glorious British draw.

Chapter Two: At The Mountains of Madness

Another really fun game, this time on some exceptional terrain, an Antarctic base containing a dark Cthulhoid secret, constructed by Sam, who was seeking a polar-themed cast to face off against, hence the match-up. The single objective set for the scenario was to get three cast members, one of whom must be a star or co-star, into the control room. And... Action!

10/10 for attention to detail, Sam

From the Journal of Captain Flash

I don't know if anyone can truly appreciate how good it feels for a polar explorer to finally get out of deepest Africa and arrive in the Antarctic. Few can understand how much those oilskins chafe in the tropics. My privates know what I mean (and not just the three in the army!)

The Germans have arrived

A wider shot showing the whole table setup

Anyway, imagine my horror when we arrive in this underground polar bunker to find we're only just ahead of another bunch of Germans. Lord knows I can't help it if I'm attractive, but you'd think they would learn. So we find ourselves underground in some tunnels.

True to trope, the party decides to split up

Quartermain and the Army (who still haven't been able to tell me what they had to do to get away from the butch German woman) head off in one direction and do some exploring.

"Mr Quartermain, can you see anything down there?"

Timmy, the Doctor and I go off in the other direction, to find one of the Germans coming down the main stairs ahead of us. It's a woman with two pets: a large, very old and singularly indescribable Thing, and a horrific, small, non-Euclidean penguin. Terrifying.

"What's that, Timmy? You can smell Germans up ahead?"

She's got the jump on us and while she heads with her penguin towards the control room she leaves the Thing hiding in the shadows behind. And a few more Germans make their way down the stairs.

The Germans ignore us completely

Well, enough of this! I think, and take a pot shot at one of them, who duly falls over dead.

"That should get their attention!"

At about this time Quartermain does something useful for a change. Somehow he's found his way into the control room while nobody was looking, and he lurks there behind the door.

The cunning Mr Quartermain gets to the control room first

Timmy the dog bravely approaches the Thing, and then very quickly comes back towards me for a bit of rough and tumble. "What's up, old boy?" I ask, but I can tell by the strange red glow in his eyes and the saliva dripping from his jaws and the way he is trying to bite my head off that he has a bit of a problem.

Timmy, dominated by the Thing, attacks Flash, to no effect

Nothing a traditional British clout around the ears can't fix, though.

Confrontation in the control room

In the control room, Quartermain is approached by the German woman, who gives him the look. But Quartermain's not going to fall for her German charms. Partly because he's British, but mainly because in the evenings he just prefers playing the pianola. And then without any warning he is attacked by a small penguin with its devastating "peck/fall over" attack. And of course he falls over.

"I can tell you're a lady who likes it rough!"

I, in the meantime, with Timmy back on side, approach the Thing and whip it into submission. I've had plenty of practice at this sort of thing at Madame Frisky's in Paris and despite the size, age and general indescribability of the Thing I could tell she knew a good time too.

Quartermain fails to stand up.

Timmy ran past to give Quartermain a hand (a paw, at least). He'd tried to stand up again but the penguin had pecked him again and over he went, while back in the stair room I shot a couple of Germans to relieve the boredom.

"Let's see if you can knock over a real man!"

As Quartermain stood up and was pecked down again, and Timmy took up a defensive position in the control room, I calmly approached down the corridor, subdued Thing alongside, to face off this new German filly who was giving Quartermain such penguin trouble. I heard the Army officer bag another German behind me; didn't realise I'd missed one of them.

You know I probably ought to advise Quartermain that he might be better able to stand on the icy floor if he wasn't carrying that pianola.

Quartermain stood up and was again pecked down by the penguin as, swiftly deploying my weapon, I dispatched the girl without the least difficulty. Which left me one small step from entering the control room to claim victory....

Victory is but one small step away...

The screen goes black. After a short pause, some fateful letters in white capitals appear:

WE APOLOGISE FOR THE FAULT IN TRANSMISSION. NORMAL SERVICE WILL RESUME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. IN THE MEANTIME, HERE IS SOME RATHER INANE BUT IN OUR OPINION INOFFENSIVE MUSIC.

When the TV returns, the six-o'clock news has started. Apparently a German is doing very well in the tennis. There is no mention of how the TV show ended (but we all know it was because of that fateful Cliffhanger Card...)

Chapter Three: Belgium

After a long story of increasingly unlikely and unexplained events, Flash's expedition find themselves  approaching the Museum of Natural History in Brussels, Belgium, equipped with explosives with which to destroy a doomsday device under the protection of Matt Spooner's mob of Chicago gangsters. It all makes sense, honest.

From the Journal of Captain Flash

At last, we have arrived in Belgium, and I have revealed the secret mission behind all of our adventuring to the men. I admit it did surprise them a little, especially when I explained that the doomsday weapon is an oversized triceratops. I knew they wouldn't understand.

Le musee

Anyway, with British resolve, they all got on with their jobs as usual. This time, Quartermain was a lot better prepared after being convinced to leave the pianola in Antarctica. We'd learned from some local natives that the manholes in the cobbled street outside the building led to the underground chambers where the doomsday weapon had ben assembled, so managed to avoid all the trouble of using our appalling French to attempt to buy tickets to get into the museum.

With absolutely no idea where the tunnels beneath the manholes would lead us, the Army unit took the one on the right and Timmy, Quartermain, the Doctor and I took the one on the left.

In the chambers beneath the museum

The army appeared suddenly and duly opened fire on two surprised gangsters who were dispatched with unusual efficiency. 

Team Flash arrives, under enemy fire

We arrived in a more open area to find ourselves being shot at, and one of the cheeky blighters winged me. I backed off to one side so the Doctor could fix me up while Timmy shot off like a dog and dispatched the gangster while Quartermain, who hadn't fallen over yet, turned and shot the other one at point blank range with his elephant gun. They're going to need to redecorate.

With unexpected military precision, the Army chaps burst into the adjacent chamber where the mob boss and one of his men were sitting at a large and rather flimsy looking table. "What the? Whos are yous boys?" the mob boss spluttered between chews of his cigar, as the three privates each in turn rolled a grenade across the table toward their enemy (who, I must point out, for a pleasant change turned out not to be German). 

It is incredible how much protection a flimsy wooden table can provide in these situations. We had to steal the scene and (saving some money by using stock footage) chuck in another three grenades to dispatch both of them in the end.

A remarkably durable table

The action was so fast there wasn't time to take enough photographs. But the last four mobsters grouped themselves close together at the end of the corridor to stop our final advance towards the triceratops.

As the Army moved into the corridor, the gangsters realised that they had positioned three of their number close enough together to be hit by one grenade. Sometimes it is more satisfying to be wrong. One of the gangsters managed to get away as a single grenade exploded, leaving two defenders present.

A massive triceratops

With a clear path to the oversized dinosaur (and my goodness it was a big one) Timmy and I rushed through to place the charges. 

I'd just like at this point to note that it really is a wonder of American/Belgian ingenuity that they got the triceratops in this small room. It clearly does not fit through the door and unless there is a way to lift the museum off I doubt if you could get it in through the roof. it is a good job these rooms have such high ceilings. Which means that either (1) it was hatched here - which seems extremely unlikely as there's no way that much triceratops food could be brought into a museum without some Belgian detective or reporter suspecting something unusual was going on or (2) it's an animatronic triceratops built by someone who doesn't appreciate scale plans. This seems more believable, but I wonder at how effective such a doomsday weapon it would be, really. Being that it is stuck in a room under a museum in Belgium. 

Anyway, back to the adventure. 

"It's just you and me now, Floyd. And a giant triceratops."

We were very lucky - although the gangsters were axed, with a roll of a six the action continued into the Finale. Sprayed with machine-gun bullets (which all seemed to hit me rather than Timmy), we duly set our charges off and the room was filled with exploding dinosaur bits. Hurrah!

End Credits

Massive appreciation and thanks to Wayne for organising and to Wargames Foundry for hosting the day, which I understand was the largest 7TV event ever. Thanks also to the Edge Hill team who came along to watch, advise and enjoy the games, and of course Karl without whom this game would not exist at all; and of course also to all the players - quite honestly the friendliest and best bunch of gamers I have ever had the joy to be part of. So much fun.