Saga: Age of Magic - The Challenge (8)

With all the extra available painting time during lockdown, it still surprises me how long it is taking to get this challenge done, but I'm glad to say that one more faction is now complete. After the Horde come the Masters of the Underearth.

Masters of the Underearth - the army

In my case, this list repurposes a lot of miscellaneous dwarf figures previously used for role playing. Clearly, I had far too many dwarves than anyone would ever need for that, but there you are. In fact, the last time I posted about this faction was - to my shame - just over a year ago. So definitely time to get them finished.

Here then are pictures of the units in the completed army, all ready for play.

C-in-C - front

C-in-C - rear

Some of you might recognise this fine fellow. He's the limited edition free figure that I received back in April 1988 with issue #100 of White Dwarf and represents the White Dwarf himself. I suppose that means he's been waiting to be painted for just over 32 years. Enough said about how long things sit around on the painting table. But that age considered, this really is an astonishingly good figure. Painted in a mix of Vallejo (for me, traditional) and Foundry (for me, new) paints. I am loving Foundry paint.

Sorcerer - front

Sorcerer - rear

The sorcerer is an old figure that just required a little touching up. He's actually supposed to be a gnome but I doubt if anyone will notice.

Gun dwarf #1 - front

Gun dwarf #1 - rear

I gave this West Wind dwarf a sniper's camouflaged cloak, although a blundebuss wouldn't be my choice of sniping weapon.  A particularly stylish figure which I like a lot.

Gun dwarf - front

Gun dwarf - rear

This berserker chap  - another West Wind figure, though converted to weild a pair of double barrelled pistols (scratchbuilt) - has his trousers painted in uniform, half blue of blue check, half red with yellow stripes. Because I wanted to challenge myself with this new Foundry paint. And yes, I actually impressed myself here. 

Crossbow dwarves

This unit of 12 crossbows are painted in the same colours of a mix of blue on blue checks and yellow stripes on red, with the occasional variation where they might have a cloak. The West Wind figures proved themselves beautiful to paint, with more detail on the casting revealed as each colour was applied. Very chunky for dwarves, though, especially alongside the short retro Citadel dwarf amongst them, front far right, who is possibly suffering from dwarf dwarfism (is that a thing?) Anyway, it all adds to the character of the unit.

Dwarves with heavy weapons

Multiple hearthguard with heavy weapons. Apart from one figure (front right), all these required was a little touching up and rebasing.

Dwarves with conventional weapons

And likewise, more hearthguard that required nothing more than a little touching up.

Mr Manticore

They don't need him to make up 8 points but Mr Manticore was a gorgeous old Reaper figure of mine that just deserved to be painted. And what a beautiful result. I may just have to adjust this list to include him now.

Mine entrances

And finally, the mine shafts turned out very well after a bit of work with the chains, painting and dry brushing. 

Overall, despite the time it has taken to get these done, I'm rather pleased with the end result. And hopefully after lockdown ends I'll be able to get them on the gaming table soon!

Trump's On A Plane - (2) The Episode

This companion post to Trump's On A Plane (1) - The Game In Pictures presents the rules adjustments for this episode which allow it to be played as a solo 7TV2 game. I've actually added a bit at the end suggesting how it could work for normal 7TV2 play as well - essentially, by adding appropriate Peril Cards, but that's a bonus.

Trump's On A Plane was conceived following one of those Facebook discussions you have after seeing a ridiculous film (in this case Air Force One) which, although ridiculous for many reasons, seemed particularly ridiculous to me in that the President of the US of A was an experienced combat veteran and all-action hero who might happily take on Shwarzenegger and Stalone singlehandedly. The invconvenient truth, I suspect, is that if President Trump that was stuck on a plane full of terrorists, things would be likely not to turn out quite the same.

Admittedly, though, I would LOVE to see the film: Trump's on a Plane. 

And so, ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your safety belts and hold onto your hair...

YOU WILL NEED

 

The 7TV2 Spy-Fi rules

Terrain representative of the interior of Air Force One (see diagram below).

Models representing the Terrorist and Heroic casts (details below)

Models to represent four Hostages and President Trump

6 Snake Tokens (numbered 1-6)

A model representing the President's Toupee

 

My model of Air Force One, ready for play to begin

THE CASTS

 

The Heroic Cast

Steed (Flamboyant Agent - Star - 10 ratings)

Emma Peel (Angel of Justice - Co-Star - 6 Ratings)

TOTAL (not that it particularly matters) 16 ratings

 

The Heroic cast, with Mr Trump and his Toupee, and the Hostages behind 

The Terrorists

Colonel Loco (Evil Mastermind - Star - 10 ratings)

Fraulein Helga Sauerkraut (Jackbooted Sadist - Co-Star - 6 ratings)

Enchilada, Quesadilla, Jalapeno, Taco & Basura: 5 x Desperados Fuertes (Thugs - Extras - 3 ratings each)

16 x Desperados Anónimos (Minions - Extras - 2 each/5 ratings per 3)

El Ninjo and La Otra (Ninjas - Extras - 4 ratings each)

TOTAL ( I said it didn't matter) 66 ratings

 

The Terrorist cast

The Hostages

Dr Wiley, Donald's Personal Physician (Doctor - Extra - 1 rating)

Major Hazzard, Air Force One Pilot (Technician - Extra - 1 rating)

Sheik Ratel Enrol (VIP - Extra - 0 ratings)

Horny Spaniels, Mr Trump's "Personal Secretary" (Bystander - Extra - 1 rating)

TOTAL: up to 3 additional ratings that can be added to the Heroic cast if they release the hostages.

 

Although there is a huge difference in ratings between the casts the fact that the Terrorists operate by automated mechanisms and that there are changes to their Star Qualities and Special Effects - combined with the not insignificant effects of snakes, toupees, and rampaging presidents mean that things are very much evened out. However, should they get a chance, the terrorists are tough in a fight because of sheer weight of numbers (helped by the Endless Subordinates rule).

SYNOPSIS

 

Somehow, Air Force One has been taken over in mid-flight by a determined gang of radical Mexican Pro-Free-Movement Fanatics who refer to themselves as Antimuralistas, led by Colonel Loco and his Neo-Nazi sidekick Helga Sauerkraut. These Terrorists have overcome most of the Security Service and White House Staff on board and taken hostages, including President Trump, who they have perhaps unwisely strapped into an explosive vest. If the demands of the Terrorists are not made by the deadline, in just over an hour's time, who knows what more trouble they will cause. But by a stroke of luck, Steed and Emma Peel (their mission to make sure Mr Trump left the UK) have managed to escape the terrorists and are currently hiding in a cramped space adjoining the forward hold of the plane containing Air Force One's communications equipment . From here they have managed to contact the White House who (to Vice-President Pence's considerable dismay) have decided to give them an hour to save the day rather than shoot down Air Force One immediately.

 

To succeed in this new mission, Steed and Emma must eliminate Colonel Loco before time runs out. Without their leader, the Terrorists will surely fail. Once this is achieved they will be able to communicate to the White House using the Colonel's radio, inform them that they have the situation under control, and ask them politely not to launch any anti-aircraft missiles.

 

Their task is hampered by other factors, though. In the confusion, Mr Trump's hairpiece has become dislodged and it is now blowing about in Air Force One's air conditioning system. As if it has a life of its own, the Toupee insists on getting in the way of the action.

 

And if that wasn't enough, due to an unfortunate baggage mix-up, there are a lot more snakes on the plane than usual, and it was perhaps inevitable that amongst all this terrorist action they would have got loose.

 

It is a bad hair day, and a race against time (and snakes)…

 

SOLO PLAY

 

7TV2 is not designed for solo play, so some changes have been made to this episode to make it both playable and challenging. Principal changes are:

- The Terrorist cast do not turn over Countdown Cards and do not use Plot Points. Their actions are entirely automated and take place after the end phase of each turn, according to an end of turn sequence set out below, before the Countdown Phase of the next turn begins.

- The Terrorist cast do not use Gadget Cards.

- The Heroic cast cast may not be Axed (but the Terrorists can).

- Objective Tokens are replaced by the four Hostages.

- The need for measuring distances is simplified for the Terrorists and Mr Trump.

- Star Qualities and Special Effects listed on Terrorist Profile Cards are not used but have been replaced by Special Rules.

 

To simplify things regarding the various armaments listed on some Profile Cards, I have assumed models to be armed with the weapons depicted on that model.

 

SET-UP

 

Plan of Air Force One, showing named Spaces

The layout of the table represents the interior of Air Force One, as shown in the plan above. The Air Force One model has been divided into various named rooms and sections of corridor, termed Spaces, for the purposes of deployment, determining random locations, and movement of the Terrorists and the President. This means that you only need measure distances for the Heroic Cast, weapon ranges, and to determine the effects of some cards. Stairwells count as part of the Space to which they connect by a doorway.

 

Select Gadget Cards for the Heroic Cast as usual.

 

Assemble a deck with 5 Countdown Cards in each Act.

 

Place a Snake Token in each of the following locations: Forward Cargo Hold, Forward Equipment Area, Middle Equipment Area, Rear Equipment Area, Rear Cargo Hold, Bulk Cargo.

 

Deploy models in the following start areas:

Level 1: Communications Equipment: Steed and Mrs Peel.

Level 2: Presidential Suite: 2 Minions, Horny Spaniels (Hostage); Fore Security Corridor: Jackbooted Sadist & 2 Minions; Medical Room: Dr Wiley (Hostage); Senior Staff Room: Thug & 2 Minions; Aft Conference Room: Evil Mastermind & 2 Thugs; Aft Staff Room: 3 Minions; Aft Security Room: Thug & 2 Minions; Crew Area: 3 Minions; Press Area: The Sheik (Hostage).

Level 3: Flight Deck: Thug & 2 Minions; Crew Lounge: Major Hazzard (Hostage).

 

President Trump and both Ninjas start the game in randomly determined locations. Identify one for each and place them there - see Random Locations below.

 

Finally, place the Toupee in a Random Location.

 

AND… ACTION!

 

There is no initiative roll.

 

SPECIAL RULES

 

Movement: Movement for the Heroic cast is measured normally. Deduct 2" from the total move distance for any door or hatchway passed through, and deduct 4" when moving up or down stairs. If you have insufficient move distance to clear any such feature, that move action stops immediately before that feature. Models may not charge through doors, hatches or stairs.

 

End of Turn Sequence: At the end of each Turn, after the End Phase, go through the following sequence before the next turn's Countdown Phase begins:

1. Terrorists Fight. From left to right, each Terrorist in fight range of a model of the Heroic cast that has one or more statuses rolls a die. On a 1-3 one status is removed. If that model is then able to make a fight attack it does so.

2. Terrorists Shoot. Going from left to right again, each Terrorist that did not make a fight attack may now make a shoot attack at the nearest enemy of which they are Aware. A Terrorist is Aware of any enemy if at any point during the previous turn that enemy used a firearm or was shot at, or is in line of sight of the Terrorist's current location. Terrorists will never shoot at a target that is in fight range of another Terrorist. 

3. Terrorists Move. Going from left to right again, roll a die for each Terrorist that has not yet acted and determine what they do from the table below. A Terrorist is Aware of any enemy if at any point during the previous turn that enemy used a firearm, or was shot at, or was in line of sight of the Terrorist's current location. If an explosion occurred in any location, Terrorists consider this to be the location of an enemy this turn.

A Terrorist that has fallen over and is not Stunned always uses the first of their move actions to stand up.

SCORE	AWARE	UNAWARE
1	Remove one status. If this model has no statuses, move up to 2 Spaces toward  the nearest enemy of which they are aware	Remove one status. If this model has no statuses, move to 1 adjacent connected Space
2	Remove one status. Move 1 Space toward the nearest enemy of which they are aware	Remove one status. If this model has no statuses, move to 1 adjacent connected Space
3	Move 1 Space toward the nearest enemy of which they are aware	Move to 1 adjacent connected Space
4	Stay put	Stay put
5	Remove one status.	Remove one status.
6	Move 1 space toward the nearest friendly star or co-star	Stay put

Terrorists will never move into locations containing a Snake Token. If there is more than one choice of Space available for them to move into, a model will choose to move into a space it has not occupied this turn. Otherwise determine which location to move to by rolling a die. 

If a Terrorist ends its move in the same space as an enemy model, it is considered to have charged into melee (regardless of any other rules) and makes an immediate fight attack.

4. Snakes Alive! Roll a die:

SCORE
1	No change
2,3	1 snake token is relocated
4,5	2 snake tokens are relocated
6	3 snake tokens are relocated

When a snake token is relocated, first determine which numbered token by rolling a die and then identify a Random Location to which it is immediately moved.  One model in that location is immediately subject to an attack (+8, -1 Health).

Note it is possible that a snake token that has just moved will then be immediately moved (and may attack) again.

5. Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow. Roll a die.

SCORE
1	Put the Toupee Back in the Box! The Toupee returns to, or remains on, Trump's head
2-4	The Toupee is relocated
5,6	The Toupee blows around in the air conditioning. All models in the same Space must pass a Body test or are knocked down. Then, the Toupee is relocated

When the Toupee is relocated, determine a Random Location to which it is immediately moved. As the Toupee blows around in the air conditioning, all models in that new Space must pass a Body test or are knocked down.

6. Trump Moves. Roll a die and move Trump that many Spaces, remembering which Spaces he moves through (including the Space he starts in). Trump's movement is never blocked by any other model, Snake Token or the Toupee. If Trump enters a space containing the Toupee, he picks it up and puts it on his head, rendering it ineffective. Roll to see which Space Trump moves to each time he moves. Trump will only move back into the Space he has just moved from if there is no other choice available.

7. Trump Acts. Roll a die.

SCORE
1	Chlorofluorochlorohydroxyoxymoron. Trump takes a moment to inject himself with something, possibly bleach. He falls to the floor in a stupor and has no effect on anyone else this round.
2	Top Trumps. Donald suddenly calms down, and declares the Terrorists to be great people, real great people. The confusion this causes the Terrorists until they realise this is about as true as Trump having the physique of a perfect 40-year man means that members of the Terrorist cast in all Spaces through which Trump has moved this turn may not move or strike and do not block movement through these Spaces during the next Turn.
3	Fake News. Donald decides that now is a good time to Tweet an inappropriate message on his mobile phone. If during his movement Trump has moved through any Space containing a member of the Heroic Cast, the Terrorist cast become aware of them in the same way as if they had shot a firearm this turn.
4	Trump Trumps. Donald squeezes his face in desperation and violently breaks wind. All models all spaces through which Trump has passed (wind) that fail a Spirit test gain the Stunned status.
5	Trump Card.  Donald declares that he is building a wall and the Terrorists are going to pay for it. All models in all spaces that Trump has moved through this turn may not make move actions in the following Turn.
6	Nellie the Elephant (Trumpety-Trump Rampage!). Overwhelmed by stress, Trump goes wild. Terrified that his explosive vest is going to detonate at any moment, he moves again. Roll a die and move Trump's model that many times, and then roll again on this table. He may do this multiple times.

8. Trump Overpowers. All models in the Space in which Trump finishes his movement now receive the Weakened status because of his overpowering aftershave.

9. Endless Subordinates. If Colonel Loco's model is still on the table, randomly determine one Minion model that has been removed from play. This model is immediately placed in an area of your choice adjacent (but not necessarily connected) to an area occupied by a model of the Heroic cast.

 

Blocking: All models of the Terrorist cast that are not Stunned, Captured, Dominated or knocked over, and which are not confused by Fake News (see above) block the movement of opposing models through that same Space.

 

Snakes on a Plane! A model that enters a Space containing a Snake Token first completes that movement action, which must end in that Space. That model is then subject to one attack (+8, -1 Health) for each Snake Token in that space. Snake Tokens can be attacked by models in the same space (Defence 8, 1 Health). Snake tokens that are removed from the game can return if their numbered Snake Token is relocated. Models in a space occupied by a Snake Token always count disadvantaged and may not make shoot attacks.

 

Make America Hirsute Again: Models in a space occupied by the Toupee always count disadvantaged and may not make shoot attacks. Models in a space containing the Toupee that attempt to make a Move Action must first pass a Body Test, or else they fall over instead. If the Toupee ends up in the same space as Trump, he picks it up and puts it back on his head. When the Toupee is on Trump's head, its model has no effect and it is temporarily removed from the table. The Toupee may be attacked with a fight attack (Defence 6, 1 point of Health) and if defeated it immediately returns to the President's head.

 

Star Qualities and Special Effects: Replace those of members of the Terrorist cast with the following:

Insane Confidence. All models in the Terrorist cast count their Spirit at +1 until their cast is axed, when this counts as -1 instead.

Brutal Task Master. All models in the same area as the Jackbooted Sadist gain +1 to their strike rolls.

Hard: Roll 1d6 if the Jackbooted Sadist receives the Stunned or Weakened status and ignore the result on a 4+.

Follow Up: If, after a Thug makes a fight attack, the opposing model is removed, the Thug may immediately make a second fight attack against any other oppposing model in the same space.

Aware: This model never counts as being attacked in the rear.

Fight Back: Once per turn, after this model has been the subject of a fight attack, it makes a fight attack against that attacking model if that model is in range.

Hide: This model may only be subject to shoot attacks from an adjacent space.

Spy: This model may not be attacked by a shoot attack during the first turn of the game.

 

Hostages: If a member of the Heroic cast is in the same space as a Hostage during their Action Phase, the Hostage model is released automatically and immediately joins the Heroic cast. Each time a Hostage is released, the Heroic cast gains 2 plot points.

 

Trump: Trump never attacks, nor can he ever be attacked. However, any model that enters the same space as Trump immediately gains the Weakened status because of his overpowering aftershave.

 

Random Locations: Occasionally, you will need to identify a random location on Air Force One. To do this, roll one red die and one of a different colour, and cross-refer to the following table:

		RED:
		1	2	3	4	5	6
WHITE:	1	Landing Gear*	Flight Deck	Crew Lounge	Comms Centre	Presidential Suite	Presidential Toilet
	2	Office	Main Entrance	Medical Room	Security Corridor	Galley	Senior Staff Room
	3	Senior Staff Room Corridor	Forward Conference Room	Rear Conference Room	Conference Room Corridor	Forward Staff Room	Rear Staff Room
	4	Staff Room Corridor	Starboard Guest Area	Port Guest Area	Starboard Security Area	Port Security Area	Press Area
	5	Crew Area	Starboard Toilet	Port Toilet	Rear Door Area	Service Compartment	Forward Cargo Hold
	6	Forward Equipment Area	Middle Equipment Area	Rear Equipment Area	Rear Cargo Hold	Bulk Cargo	Special**

 

*In the unfortunate event that a model ends up amongst the Landing Gear, it is frozen and removed from the game. If the Toupee ends up here, it simply returns to the President's head. A Snake Token that ends up here can return into play again if that numbered token is relocated.

**The location containing the largest number of models of both casts.

 

VICTORY POINTS

 

If there are no models of the Heroic cast on table at the end of the game, all is lost. Otherwise, calculate the score for the Heroic cast only as follows:

 

+1 if the Terrorist cast is axed

+1 for each point of Health of each Heroic Star or Co-Star on the table at the end of the game

-1 for each point of Health of each Terrorist Star or Co-Star on table at the end of the game

+1 for each Hostage that was released and whose model is on the table at the end of the episode

-1 for each Hostage whose model is not on the table at the end of the game

If the result so far is +1 or more, apply the following bonuses:

BONUS +1 if Colonel Loco is not on the table at the end of the game

BONUS +1 if Horny Spaniels is on the table at the end of the episode

BONUS +1 if the Sheik is on the table at the end of the episode

BONUS +1 if President Trump has his hairpiece on his head at the end of the game.

Result

Donald says "I'm recommending a complete shutdown on Terrorists entering Air Force One from now on."

+7 or more - resounding success. The day is saved. The world rejoices. The terrorists surrender. No missiles are fired, Air Force One remains intact, and President Trump gives all the surviving heroes nice shiny medals.

+2 to +6 - success. The terrorists are defeated and Air Force One and the President has been saved, even if some of the hostages were lost.

 

Or:

"With regret," announces President Pence, "The US Government refuses to negotiate with terrorists".

-3 to +1 - Too little, too late. Despite their bravest efforts, the heroes failed, and Air Force One was shot down with the loss of all aboard. Those heroes whose remains could be recovered from the wreckage receive a burial with full military honours.

-4 or less - The mission is a total failure. The outcome is the same as above but without any honours.

 

DIRECTOR'S CUT

 

Using a Different Heroic Cast: There is no reason at all why a different Heroic cast should not be used in this episode. Try playing it out with the Heroes of your choice and let me know the results!

Two Players: Changing this to a conventional two-player game of 7TV2 isn't hard at all. Make the follwing changes to the above:

- Lose the solo special rules

- Lose the Terrorist cast. The game is played using two casts of your own choice. Given the small effective table size, I'd recommend not more than 25 points a side.

- Spaces in Air Force One are only used for determining random locations as required for Snake Tokens, Trump, and the Toupee, and to identify deployment areas (see below).

- Instead of using the hostages, each player places two objectives and a fifth (perhaps a MaGuffin) is placed in the centre of the main floor area (in the conference room). 

- One cast deploys in Rear Door Area and Bulk Cargo, and the other in Presidential Suite and Flight Deck. 

- Use the Peril Cards below: Snakes on a Plane, They're About to Blow! and Bad Hair Day. In this case, the Toupee belongs to the President and unless you agree otherwise with your opponent, the additional victory points indicated on the Peril Card do not apply. They're About To Blow! removes the effects of Steps 7 and 8 of the above end of turn sequence, so you might like to add them in as well, but I'd suggest that the greater control of the President's movement and the risk of Air Force One blowing up at any point probably Trumps this (pun intended). 

Peril Card - Snakes on a Plane

Peril Card - They're About To Blow!

Peril Card - Bad Hair Day

Trump's On A Plane - (1) The Game In Pictures

This time, there's a price toupee..

Yes, Trump's on a plane. Air Force One, in fact. But the flight's not quite turning out the way he expected it to.

 

He was accompanied on board by British Secret Service, who were very politely providing his protective escort. They enjoyed his eloquent conversation and razor sharp wit, and shared a glass of his special concoction before they retired to get some sleep on the flight. All was going fine until then.

 

He woke up some time later to the sound of gunfire, and realised his head was unusually cold. His hairpiece was missing. That's not great, he thought. In fact, it's not nice. But I know some things are great and some things are not nice. So, I ask myself two things. Number one, in any gunfire situation in Air Force One, which I know is really a Boing, what's nice is when the president looks great. And Number Two, for him to look great, and nice, the president's hair ought to be in the right place. Pouting his lips, he opened one eye, and looked around. The coast was clear, so he risked opening the other as well. As quiet as a golf course on a Monday, he thought. Except without all the golfers. He made to stand up. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a lot more tricky than usual. I'm the President, he thought, I ought to be able to move. Hell, I'm a great mover. I mean, I walk great when I don't get driven. Or fly in my Boing. And I can run great, too. Like I ran for president. But this time his thoughts failed to make any change in reality, so he pouted again, thinking. He simply couldn't move easily, so he worked through the possibilities. After cleverly deducing that he hadn't been paralysed, he concluded he must have eaten too much the night before and put on a few pounds. But no, that wasn't right either. Maybe Mel had done his corset up too tight again. No, she wasn't here, he realised. And he'd stopped wearing the corset some time ago anyway after that meeting with Mr Shatner. He frowned, and thought hard. So why am I wearing an unfamiliar corset on the outside of my suit? And then it suddenly dawned on him that it wasn't a corset at all, it was an explosive vest. Well I knew it couldn't have been a corset, he thought, with some relief. He fiddled with it for a moment, but couldn't work out how to get it off. He racked his brains. I don’t remember anything like this being on my schedule.

 

Hang on.

 

Explosive vest?

 

"Aaaargh! Help!" the president cried, running around aimlessly. "I'm going to explode! Help me, someone, don't let your president detonate!

 

This is the narrative of a 7TV2 episode designed for solo play during lockdown. Yes, it's rather silly, but it works, and it's quite fun, and it is a bit of a challenge to beat the game. It follows in the spirit of my Fantastic Voyage and Ghostbusters games described on this blog - see the links on the right if you're interested. As with Fantastic Voyage, Trump's On A Plane is split into several different posts. This one presents the game narrative of a single play-through of the episode, while there is another one that sets out the rules adjustments for the scenario to enable 7TV2 solo play. In time, there may even be one about how to build your own Air Force One. But that's enough of that. Back to the narrative.

 

Hiding in the front of the plane, Steed and Emma Peel listened to President Trump's incoherent screams interspersed with the sounds of a large man running into overhead lockers and items of furniture.

 

"We're needed, Mrs Peel," Steed smoothly announced.

"Yes," Emma responded. "I suppose something like this was inevitable. The mission to get Trump out of the country fast and without incident would otherwise have been far too simple."

"Look on the positive side," Steed smiled. "At least he's too busy worrying about his explosive vest to talk to us any more, and while we're hiding here we're not in danger of being overpowered by his aftershave. All I can say is thank goodness for the bourbon. I don't think I could have lasted much longer without it."

Emma smiled. "Steed," she responded, "That wasn't bourbon. Mr Trump's a teetotaller. I think it was Dettol."

"Well that would explain the taste," Steed continued, doing his best to remain suave. "At the time, it seemed impolite to ask."

"Don't you think," she continued, "That we ought to get out of this cramped compartment we're hiding in and do something about the terrorists who have hijacked the plane?"

"Yes, you're right, Mrs Peel," Steed agreed, doffing his bowler hat as he stepped out from between the communications equipment and offered her his hand. "Allow me…"

 

What follows is the narrative, told in pictures, of a single play through of one game of Trump's On A Plane. I've not given any explanations of the rules or the gameplay here, just the action. If you want to read more about how it was done, please refer to my other post.

AND NOW, IN ONE OF MANY POSSIBLE OUTCOMES OF THIS EPISODE...

"We're needed, Mrs Peel..."

In amongst the communications equipment, Emma and Steed are ready to go, while up above, Mexican terrorists have taken over Air Force One. 

The smell of aftershave is unmistakeable

La Ninja, checking that the President's personal physician Dr Wiley is securely tied, is surprised to find that President Trump is also in the room, panicking as he tries to find a way to get out of the explosive vest he's been strapped in. She can tell by the strength of his aftershave that she should not linger. At the rear of the plane her sister, La Otra, who suffers from air sickness, is using the bathroom while minions joke among themselves about Mr Trump in the crew area..

"You know why Muslims are as worried about the POTUS as us Mexicans? Because once you deport Juan you deport Jamal." 

At the rear of the plane her sister, La Otra, who suffers from air sickness, is using the bathroom while minions joke among themselves about Mr Trump in the crew area.

"He can't screw me like this. Not again."

In the presidential suite, two minions play cards while Horny Spaniels, tied to the bed, once again regrets her involvement with Mr Trump.

"These gringos will pay! Mwahaha!"

And in the conference room, the leader of the terrorists, Colonel Loco, gloats about his plan to two of his failthful henchmen.

"What ees eet? A hamster?"

Three of the Mexicans, in the staff room, have found an unfamiliar object on the table. It might be a wig. One of them cautiously prods it with his rifle. 

"I wonder what that strange hissing sound is?"

Steed and Emma decide to move upstairs as quickly as they are able instead, but Steed lags behind. He can hear a strange noise that seems to come from the hold. A noise like the hissing of snakes. Very odd.

Terrorists abound on the main deck of Air Force One

Emma listens as some of the terrorists move around on Air Force One's main deck. La Ninja and two minions are approaching the galley, where Emma hides in the stairwell. Have they heard her?

"Snakes! I hate snakes!"

Colonel Loco definitely hears something and moves towards the door of the conference room. As he reaches for the door handle a snake drops unexpectedly on him from a vent above the door. He jumps back in shock, and beats the snake off, and is squirms beneath the drinks cabinet. Snakes on a plane? Preposterous!

"Real great. What idiot made all these Mexicans so angry anyway?"

President Trump is not a happy man. His frustration with this stubborn explosive vest makes him burst into action, and he runs out of the medical room, back into the presidential suite (without a thought for Miss Spaniels), through the office and back out again, into the galley, down the stairs, and all the way through the hold until, exhausted, he reaches the bulk cargo area of the bottom deck and realises all this running about is achieving is making him sweat more. Unfortunately his antics have alerted the terrorists to Steed and Emma's presence, and they are sure to attack imminently.

"Whoops!" SMACK!!

Obviously the set must have been put together in a bit of a hurry, La Ninja realises, as she slips on something (was that a banana skin?) and slides into one of the doors where she falls over. Emma tells Steed to wait below and avert his eyes, while she hurriedly slips into her handy disguise kit, and then exploits the confusion as mistaken for a terrorist she positions herself perfectly for a surprise judo attack.

"We must stop meeting like this..."

The terrorists run towards their enemy - or at least where they think their enemies are. Ignoring the disguised Emma, they close in on Steed and a fight breaks out at the foot of the stairs. Steed defends with his umbrella and quickly but politely dispatches his assailant.

"Hi-yaa!"

Emma, surrounded by minions, announces her presence with a whirlwind roundhouse attack that takes out two minions and the unfortunate ninja. One minion stubbornly resists.

Air Force One finds itself with a snake at the controls instead of a pilot.

Up on the flight deck it's fortunate that Air Force One has been put on autopilot. Relaxing in the pilot's seat, one unfortunate minion dicovers that his safety belt is actually a snake. His panic causes the snake to promptly (and lethally) bite him.

It's behind you....

Colonel Loco has finally founf the sname, and stamped on it. His bulk is more than enough to dispatch it. A henchman approaches to congratulate him, when a second snake drops out of the vent onto his head, and disappears down the back of his jacket. In moments the unfortunate henchman is killed in the kind of scene that would never happen in a film, surely.

This sort of thing does not happen in many films (or games).

The hairpiece has found its way through the air conditioning into the hold where, surrounded by snakes, it blows around to no particular effect...

"My fellow Ameri.. er.. Mexicans..."

...while the President rushes up to the main deck. Finding himself surrounded by an audience (despite their being terrorists) he makes a short speech. Dumfounded, the terrorists listen to this confused babbling as they gradually succumb to the effects of his aftershave.

"So you think you can creep up on me from behind, do you? Take that! And that!

While Steed waits below, Helga Saurkraut, the jackbooted sadist has at last made an appearance in the film, attacking Mrs Peel froim the rear, but to no effect. In response Emma launches a judo attack, putting extra effort into her kicks. In two short, sharp blows to an appropriate part of the body, Colonel Loco's neo-nazi sidekick is felled.

"Heh, heh! She might not have crept up on you, but I did!"

But as Emma wipes her hands of Fraulein Sauerkraut, the minion chooses his moment to strike her down with his cosh, and stunned, she drops to the ground. Another minion joins the fray and Emma ends up badly wounded, and dangerously vulnerable.

It'll take more than that to keep Emma Peel down

But Emma is quick to snap out of it. She rolls to the side and kicks the troublesome minion between the legs and into touch as she stands. Steed cautiously climbs the stairs and enters the galley.

Donald tweets: 'I'm recommending a total shutdown on Mexican terrorists on Air Force One'

The President eventually runs out of things to say, so decides to tweet about Mexicans instead. His audience, although still a little dazed and confused, and weakened by his aftershave, regain their senses and the mass that has gathered in the corridor duly press on with their attack. Closing in on Emma, they surround her. She resists most of their attacks, but a final blow connects and she falls stunned again. Yet more minions flood through the corridor towards her. Colonel Loco finally clears the conference room of snakes, but the last snake retreats back into the vent, only to reappear on the other side of the wall and into the midst of the steady increasing flow of minions.

Minions take cover in a harey situation

It is at this precise moment that the Toupee suddenly explodes out of the air conditioning into the corridor and flaps about uncontrollably around Emma's assailants, all but one of whom take to the ground for cover.

As usual, the President is oblivious to the chaos all around

Somehow, the President walks past all of this and into the conference room, where Colonel Loco does all he can to withstand the assault of aftershave. Then, for some reason best known to the film director, who may have previously worked on too many slapstick productions (or Tom Cruise films), there is an explosion in the corridor, and the fallen minions and the standing thug find themselves unexpectedly on fire.

"Dr Wiley, I presume?"

Emma takes full advantage of the situation, recovers, stands and delivers a roundhouse blow to everyone around her. All burning minions fall, but the thug is made of stronger stuff, and merely beats the fire on his clotihing out. Behind him, unseen, Steed sneaks around into the medical room and unties Dr Wiley, who joins our heroes in their mission.

"Mrs Peel - we meet at last!"

While the minions in the corridor find themselves preoccupied with snakes, Colonel Loco and his bodyguard emerge from the conference room and join the attack on Emma. The Colonel's fist makes contact, and weakens Emma, but she just manages to keep her footing, and returns the blow, in the process knocking out one of the thugs and stunning the other, while the toupee flaps about inconsequentially in the breeze from the air conditioning. 

"Looks like Mrs Peel has everything under control as usual."

Steed emerges from the medical room with the doctor, who has his first aid kit handy, and as the minions in the corridor finally dispose of the snakes blocking their path, Emma again attacks, her fury disposing of the stunned thug and wounding Colonel Loco again. 

"Don't you I think it's time to give up now, old chap?"

While Dr Wiley tends Emma's wound, Steed moves in and taps the Colonel on the shoulder.  As the Colonel glances in his direction, he smiles, and delivers a satisfying final blow with his umbrella on the Colonel's head, knocking him out. 

"Emma, did you see where the President went?"

Knowing that they have won the day, our heroes finish off the minions around them and retire into the conference room.  With their cast now axed, the remaining terrorists realise all is lost and duly give themselves up. Steed picks up the receiver of the hotline phone to the White House. "It's all under control here," he reports. "The terrorists have been overcome, Colonel Loco is captured, and the hostages are safe. The President, you ask? Well, he was here a moment ago...."

"Let's snake America great again"

In the depths of the hold, surrounded by snakes, Donald remembers why he fits in so well with businessmen and politicians. 

CREDITS

Steed, Emma Peel, Colonel Loco, Helga Sauerkraut, Dr Wiley & Ninjas - Crooked Dice Game Design Studio

Terrorists - Copplestone Castings, The Assault Group and Tiny Terrain Models

President Trump - Spectre Miniatures

Horny Spaniels - Wargames Foundry. 

The Sheik & Major Hazzard - The Assault Group

Clear Bases by Sally 4th

Air Force One scratch-built from 3mm MDF, card, paper and 3mm foamboard, with support from UHU and Wicke's PVA glue

Set paint by Halfords

Mr Trump's Toupee appears courtesy of GamersGrass

Special thanks to all those on the 7TV Productions Facebook Group for continual encouragement and inspiration

No snakes. hairpieces, or US Presidents were harmed in the making of this production.